I have been staring at this screen for some time; I think as a writer you get the inevitable "block" or you get so many ideas in your head at the same time they are like voices you can't turn off. You end up feeling like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. "That way, no that way---if I only had a brain".
Random thoughts have been running through my head for a week or so and the only thing that has helped has been the onboarding of Nyquil just before bed time (for my nasty cold) and it helps to shut down the brain. Double WIN!
I read one of those great "10,000 freeze ahead meals" blogs that caters to Busy Moms. It was an awesome post---and then I read the comments and (insert scary music here)---I started to get really upset. Other Moms were on there claiming their relationships were 50/50 and how offended they were that it didn't say "busy parents" etc...a few men chimed in claiming to defend "strong women" and how strong women comfortable in their own skin wouldn't be offended etc...another man chimed in as the "kept man" which I also found strangely derogatory in it's own right.
I found all this horrifying yet interesting.
My husband and I are partners but I will never go as far to say "We are 50/50 partners." It's just not possible.
The first time I heard that collective "We" that bothered me was from my OB-GYN when I was pregnant with my first child.
Walk into the office and he smiles big "How are WE doing today?"
*Looking around*
"Who is WE? I am the one carrying this baby through the summer, I am the one who can't see her toes and has to pee every 10 minutes. I am the one that is swollen and has cankles. I don't know how YOU are doing...but I AM pregnant and unhappy and how long before I can have this baby?" This was at about 38 weeks.
He never said "WE" to me again. Poor guy.
NOW---back to this husband and wife collective "we".
My husband GOD love him...is an amazing man but we are not 50/50 partners.
For years he worked retail hours. Nights, weekends. I did almost 100% of the kids stuff, homework, bill paying, social calendars, sports committments, housework, meal planning, grocery shopping. On his occasional day off he'd do some laundry. I was insane.
We solved that by getting the most fabulous cleaning lady at the most ridiculous affordable rate. Every other Wednesday we both fight to get home first so we can walk in the door after she's been there. She was a God send. If she ever retires, I will be sad.
So are you keeping track?
Wife 80%
Cleaning lady 10%
Husband 5-10%
That's pretty much where it stays. For almost our 10 years married.
This past May my husband finally gets out of the retail arena and into a more Monday -Friday gig like me. Suddenly weekends are free, he's home some nights to pick up from dance, help with homework, give baths, etc.
We STILL do not get rid our cleaning lady. She is still a God send and I won't sacrafice her. No way, no how.
Husband is helping with chores, he's around to co-parent, I even find time to read a book? What is this about? Am I losing status as SUPER MOM?
Keeping track still?
Wife 70%
Cleaning lady 10%
Husband 10-20%
My job is very demanding. It's time consuming and it's exhausting. Some weeks I'm just too darn tired to realize HOW stinking tired I am.
We try and squeeze the most into every weekend as a family because for 10 years we haven't had these. Sunday nights we sit around to watch the late football game and my husband and I look even more tired than when we NEVER saw each other on the weekends.
Starts to dawn on me that no one can give 100% all the time.
That's what true 50/50 partnerships are about.
When I'm at 70%, he steps up and points out that (2) take and bake fresh pizzas cost as much as 1 pizza from the local pizza place BUT with our buy one pizza get one free COUPON--HE can pick up pizzas on his way home from getting our daughter from dance class. No cooking for me!
He'll come home and randomly do the dishes or start a load of laundry when his job isn't sucking every last ounce of energy he has.
In turn, I try and step up my game when the heat is on him at work.
Does it drive me nuts that he leaves the wrappers from the dry cleaning in the bottom of the closet every single time he goes to the dry cleaners? Yep.
Does it drive me insane when I wake in the morning and there is an empty glass still in the living room next to his ipad where he was watching TV last night? (How hard is it to walk it to the kitchen) Yes indeed.
Does it irritate me that our bedroom always looks like a bomb went off in it with dirty laundry, etc? I mean he has to walk past this dirty laundry to get INTO bed at night. Take a load down to the basement would you? Of course it does.
Last night I left work, ran to the grocery store for this week's groceries. Hubby picked up daughter, then dry cleaning and then salads for dinner. He and I are unpacking said groceries when he says to me "What am I going to do for meals this weekend when you are out of town?" Mind you I am taking our daughter WITH me out of town..so he is flying SOLO. Yeah uh-huh that's right a completely ABLE bodied 40 year old man just asked ME what he's going to eat while I'm out of town. I said "I guess you'll figure it out." His reply "I am sure I can figure it out." Thankfully---my head did NOT explode. :)
Fast forward about 90 mins--on a week like this...when I'm trying to squeeze 5 work days into 4 since I will be out of town this weekend, on top of fighting a nasty cold, on top of the fact that my daughter's dance school has gone to a "dress code" and suddenly half her wardrobe can't be worn.
Picture this...I am literally on the bedroom floor digging through dirty clothes looking for one of 2 leotards she can wear to class today when my dear sweet husband bellows from the other room "Honey she only has one pill left".
I immediately broke down into tears. In my purse was her prescription that I was supposed to drop off at Walgreens on my way to the grocery store 2 hours ago. It is now after 8. She needs to go to bed. I need to make her lunch, flip the laundry, FIND A LEOTARD so I can hand wash it in the sink and throw it in the dryer, get out of my work clothes since it's 8 p.m., go to the bathroom since I haven't gone since I got home, look through her folder at her homework, do the dishes and then die. Oh wait...that last one is not allowed. That is NOT on the agenda for today---scratch that---I have to do all these things AND go to bed at a decent hour. Yes that is it.
This is where Super Husband swoops in wearing his magical cape.
Without any prompting from me--well maybe besides the tears--he looks up the Walgreens number, calls them, explains that we have a script, checks to see if it's in stock because they have sent us across town more than once being out of this medication, and then throws on a coat and leaves to drop off the prescription.
While he is gone, I managed to hand wash the LEOTARD (thank you God I found one), put a load in the wash, fold the load in the dryer, do the dishes, make her lunch, check her folder, put her to bed, move the Elf on the Shelf (she arrives early in our house), get out of my work clothes and heat up a cup of apple cider.
Sounds like wife 90%, hubby 10% today huh?
By the time my husband got home I was sitting calmly NOT crying on the couch for us to watch The Voice together and it was only 8:40.
In another life one of two things would have happened; either:
A) I would have had to SCREAM at the top of my lungs "CAN I GET A LITTLE HELP HERE?" to get any help
or
B) My husband wouldn't even get home until close to 9:30 p.m. thereby forcing me to have done all last evenings "events" completely solo including dragging my daughter out in her pjs to drop off the script at Walgreens. (This is not a medication she can skip)
So---basically stepping up and helping his wife last night save what little sanity she has---
There was no collective "WE" last night..
Last night----
Hubby 110%
Hands down.
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